Because I am impatient and sometimes cannot muster the faith to remember that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me.
I mean, afterall, he gave me Jeff, our kids, our home and all the friends/family we're blessed with.
I am on the brink of being able to finally get my medical issues figured out and worked on-which means I am at the brink (I hope) of once in my adult life actually being able to take my life and mold it rather then have my health and life's trouble drag me down a path I really don't want.
With God's help I know my 40's will be some of the best years of my life.
And Jeff's love and our life together will continue to be my lifeline to happiness.
We're supposed to be getting sealed as a forever family August 2nd-and we still hope that date works-but it's going to depend on how my apointment with our bishop goes this Sunday.
Pray it all works out this time.
We've had several times in this 4 years journey to be sealed when we thought we were there.....only to have the rug pulled out from under us by life and the rules of the church.
Jeff and I are trying to be faithful LDS members and so we haven't given up and just keep trying to follow the rules and pray that we're doing what Heavenly Father asks of us.
We aren't perfect at all, and we've failed many times at being what He asks of us.
Everyone has those times.
I look at our life and think "Well this and this could be better....but, I've got (mostly) healthy kids, a great husband, friends and family who are moral support at times. I'm pretty spoiled compared to a lot of the world"
So I do feel blessed-most of the time.
Well, actually I feel blessed nearly 99% of the time, even when we're going through trials (nearly a daily basis) that make me want to scream and throw things at walls.
Mostly I look at my trials and compare them to how horrible our world is around us, and think "well, at least I don't have to deal with that kind of hell"
No, but I do have to deal with my own in my brain and my body-daily.
I like to think of the song "Count your many blessings" and remember that the blessings I have are more important then the trials I deal with all the time.
So when the dirty laundry becomes a monster invading my room, or the bathroom is so dirty I cannot walk in it without getting a migraine (I'm allergic to mold, so I cannot do the cleaning myself or I'll be down for days....which sometimes I just say screw it and do it anyways because no one else in this house will and I can't handle the grossness) or I have been down for days from migraine or my CFS so the kitchen and rest of the house are a disaster...
I just look at my beloved children
I hug my fantabulous husband
cuddle my cute 5 cats
or feed my two silly chickens greeen beans
admire my family pictures tree in the living room
look at the large picture of the prophet in our front hallway
my organic garden
I sit in my front yard swing and look at my home and see what we've been able to accomplish in 3 years
I play volleyball on Tuesdays,which always keeps me going through the week
And I try to allow all of that and more to crowd out the horrible memories I have from my last two lives
or the pain I feel from medical issues
and it helps me to brainstorm ways to deal with the trials I deal with due to our financial/ex issues, life in general as parents to 9 kids, and realizing we're getting older...
I just look at my day one at a time, thankful for the good in my day and tell myself "Tomorrow is another day....so today's bad stuff doesn't matter in the big picture as long as I don't let it ruin any of the good in my past, present or future"
And I try to wake up each day and think "Maybe today will be the day it starts...."
IT would be the road to my goal of being healthy, migraine/CFS episode free and able to do all the Mom and Wife things I want to do on a daily basis.
Like baking bread, making dinner every night, going to the gym with my daughters and hubby daily, having a clean house, being able to fit back into the dress I wore when Jeff and I got married nearly 7 years ago.....
But instead most days are my being lucky to be out of bed, not have vertigo or tenitis, a migraine or CFS pains....to get a load of laundry washed, or dishes done.
I get upset with myself and my family for not having a picture perfect house sometimes....but then I remember it really doesn't matter.
I have my 5 kids here, Jeremy visits often, there's food in the fridge/pantry that's mostly organic, my husband loves me beyond reason & treats me like a princess....
All of that reminds me:
God is patient...and kind
.....even when I'm not what I expect myself, my life to be
This makes me keep my faith-one day at a time
~Fawn
My prayer someday is that I can say:
